I started Accenture 2005 and I got promoted to Team Lead in March
2010. My timeline for promotion to AM
was Sept 2011 and for manager 2014. That was a year ago. Obviously, it did not
happen. The worst part is that people who came in later than me are now ahead
of me. People who started with me were
now almost Managers. Not sure how I
became a loser. But I am, currently.
Now, it September again and I don’t really feel like… I
dread going through the same September hullabaloo again. First, trying to guess
if I got promoted or not, then preparing/proofing myself for the worst, only to
breakdown after the bad news has sunk in. I cried so much I thought I would
have a heart failure because of a broken heart and wounded, no, blasted to bits pride.
My boss Miguel was not very clear why I was not promoted and
even told me he is giving me a year to work it. 1 more year?!!! I thought I worked
hard the last year. From what I can remember, the client has been praising me and thanking me and hugging me for all the great job I have been doing and that was not enough? I was not sleeping normally for the past year just to make sure the application stays afloat and it was not enough? Where did that all go? Cindy said I needed to work on
extra-curricular activities to prove my differentiators. Now that I think of it, there were people who got promoted before me, but I did not see them visible on extra-curricular
activities. It was
pure B.S.
My other manager, Richie said I was the best
value creator, but another person has ‘it’, the business operator acumen which
is required for the position. He said he was even surprised that I got promoted to Team Lead despite not having that in my system. I cried like crazy hearing this. I was killing myself of work that will not lead me to the next level? The client value I created was of no value for myself?! It did not matter?! Then why has not
a single mentor told me about it?!!! I realized, that is when I became a loser.
My most respectable managers could not promote because they don’t trust me. They do not trust me enough to represent Accenture to clients. They probably did not see me in their vision as
a leader, so they did not care to let me know what I was doing wrong or they have given up on all hopes that they can train me to be their flavor of a manager.
So why do they not trust me? Cause I am not like them. They
don’t see themselves in me. I don’t think
like them, and they think I am too immature for the position. Just because
I am always honest about my feelings, with my opinions flying in several
directions, doesn’t mean I cannot achieve what they have
achieve or much more. Apparently, people do not trust what has not worked according to their
experience. And I don’t take it against them.
I am quite resolved to the fact that. That as long as I do not think like them, do not see the things
the way they do, do not act the way they would, I won’t get promoted. I can accept that. But, none of the
leadership trainings I participated in taught me that there is a single thought
process to leading or managing a team to optimal performance and best results. So, I am not changing my
style. I realized there is no need to copy the way my bosses think. If it was
so good, why do people resign under their watch?
I do not question their requirements. I will not threaten
them with resignation. I love working with great people. But I will ask them if there is a place in Accenture
where my nature can blossom. Please put me there. What is my nature? I am very
honest. I also appreciate honesty towards me as well. I always try to
understand clients for whatever they need and try my best to help them, whether the effort is listed or not listed in my job description. I hate
people who demand yet do not contribute as much as those that worked hard and
contributed. I reward hard work that produced results, and I show honesty and
respect to those who make the hard effort, but did not quite make it. I help people
as long as they are willing to help themselves. I am rude sometimes, but I make sure it was
because someone showed rudeness first. They believe nothing is fair in the
world, I think if there is a way you can make it as fair as possible, then do
it.
So if there is anywhere a childish person like me can
fit, please put me there. I do not even know how being childish is negative. Being
childish means resembling how a child acts. Children at least know how to be
honest. They cry if they are hurt and hug and kiss people if they are happy. Children know what they want and will do anything to get it. They
are Yes/No creatures. There is no complicated. They have no pride. As long as
everyone becomes happy in the end, they do not care who made the first move or who
said sorry first. They say sorry if they hurt people, they do not make excuses
of the way they behave. They are not discriminating; they would play with a beggar
child and a rich kid as long as they have fun. Children have open minds, they
do not block their minds to new things. Sometimes, kids are more mature than adults. The see things simply and not get bothered by unnecessary distractions.
So how will I react after that discussion and not getting a promotion. First, ask what I was not able to do to get a promotion. Then confirm that the reasons or requirements are not something I can adjust to. Then ask them, is there a way I can get promoted without doing that? Then be honest that it is not in my nature. That I cannot force myself to do something I do not believe is necessary. So given that, I do not wish to go another year of trying to do things I am not comfortable doing. I will just waste my time trying to achieve what they want me to achieve. This may be my limit. Managing is not my innate talent and it's a lot of work for me. Trying to be one opposes my very nature. I do not try to fix unbroken stuff. I do not envision changes that I don't feel necessary. I am too lazy for those things. I am a hero. I thrive on fixing broken things. I feel happy if I resolve an issue. I do not feel angry at why things are not perfect and get broken sometimes. I like trial and error. I accept the fact that not all things can be done perfectly the first time or even the second or third time. Mistakes are ways to learn and it should not always be attached with hurt feelings. I won't punish people if they messed up their jobs 2% of the time. I won't put in 40 hours of effort to correct a defect that will happen 10% of the time. I hate having to prove things using figures.
Sometimes, quitting is a good thing. I will not only free myself from something I cannot do, and I can also my mentors(?) the disappointment of me not meeting their expectations. I have tried 2 years to please them, it would be a great disservice to myself if I will enslave myself again for another 1, 2, 3 or 4 years.
I have my talents, its as brilliant as yours, but unfortunately its not the same talent, and not even in the same category as yours. I am also doing this for self respect. For a long time, I cannot look at myself as a respectable individual. I always see myself lacking because I cannot please you. But I will not do that anymore. I will go where I can gain respect for myself.
I am still trying to find out what I would like to do. I am still interested in languages, but I know starting over will definitely hit my financial needs. So I will not resign my position. I want you to place me somewhere where I can be myself and be happier. I think 6 years in the position is enough of a service. It would not be too much to ask to go somewhere where I can be greater than I am today. I just hope you understand my plight. I want to do things for my self moving on.
