NEGATRONS GALORE

Alam ko at lahat ng tao sa paligid ko na mainitin ang ulo ko. Pero sound mind naman ako. As in kung pwedeng wag nang effortan ang mga issues, kung pwedeng wag i-over think, kung pwedeng wag nang mashadong damdamin, at pag-usapan, kalilimutan ko na at palalampasin ko na. Well, hinid kalilimutan, bago mauulit nididikdik ko na na baka maulit dun sa root cause at ipapaalala ko. (Isa lang ang galit na nihaharbor ko sa tanang buhay ko, ang minsang pagpapalayas samin ng dating kaibigan ko. Matagal na yun, pero hindi ko makalimutan).

Pero, ang isa talaga hindi ko matake e yung mga taong nega. Wala akong paki kung mag nega sila mag-isa nila. Pero kung mandadamay ng tao, at mangaapekto ng iba, pucha, lumayo-layo na sila.
Ayoko talagang nakikipagfriends sa mga nega. Kasi nisisipsip nila yung energy mo. Ayaw! parang laging nagkakaron ng dark cloud. Sa tanang buhay ko, me dalawa akong negang... not sure if kaibigan or katrabaho lang. Magaling sila! As in! Pero pag kinaibigan mo na, at nag expect na sya ng great concern things from you. Ay... lagot na. Dinadamdam na nila ng mga hindi magandang masabi mo. Pucha. Laitera ako by nature. Pati ako hate ko sarili ko. Pero lahat yun ilalabs ko at sa bandang huli ay tinatawanan ko na lang. kasi puro lait at reklamo lang naman ang mapapala ko. Kung narinig ako ng nilalait ko at nirereklamuhan ko, may kasamang away. Pero, kaya nga hindi ko pinaparinig sa kanila, para indi nila ako awayin, hindi dahil duwag ako, kungdi dahil ayaw ko magexert ng effort makipag away. Ayoko kaya ng away, nakakasira ng araw. Nakakasira ng ganda. So pag nailabas ko na ang init ng ulo ko sa pagmumura sa kanila ng patalikod, nakakalimutan ko na. Wala na akong paki-alam sa kanila. Gagawa na lang ako ng bagay na makabuluhan or kahit anu for my entertainment, para mawasiwas ang bad vibes.

May 2 akong friends na hindi ko talaga magets. Kahit magexplain sila, hindi ko maintindihan bat kailangan super nega sila. Mga psycho yata to. Mental disorder na nga yata sa mga to. Manic Depressive, Bipolar. Nakakbwiset sila. Oversensitive.

Si Jhaimer - indi totoong pangalan, ang pinakanegang taong nakilala ko. Masayahin sya as in patok yung jokes nya. At malufet pa sya magpicture. Mapagkatiwalaan sa trabaho. Just the Photography Director I needed nung nasa Campus Journal pa kami ng Faculty of Engineering ng isang matinding university. What I want, I get, with a lot of good inputs from him. As in, he's the most dedicated person I want in my team.

But with the good, comes with the bad. Once naging close kami ng Jhaimer, pucha, nagopen up na sya sakin. Shit like, his prelims was -50, (yes, negative), his fucking prof just tried to hit him with an eraser, his crush was seeing someone else. And the positron that I am, I always tried to get myself out of rut, by crying it out just once and then willing myself to move on. Ako ang taong laging nagsasabing Now what?! , or sa Tagalog, O tapos..?. Ganun, nangyari na eh, root cause alam mo na, edi resolve na. So ako, as a "friend", I'll offer my thoughts and why I think it should not affect him. Pero in the end, ayun, nega parin sya. Uh oh!, not the fun person I need. I would normally scoot out of the dark clound he's covered himself with, pero pucha, most of the times, I relally need to get something done in the journal office and he'd continue with the nega shit talk. My goodness, grow up man! Wala akong paki sa problema mo. Get over it, there a big world waiting out to be discovered. Tang ina, magpakabusy ka sa ibang gawain para mawala yung nega mo, ang then saka mo irationalize. It was like that for 4 years. yes! 4 years! During that time, I didnt realize he was such a "nega" he was because i haven't met anybody like him. It was either fate that gotten rid of them for me, or I had delveloped my own alarm when the likes of him got near. I finally graduated and have not communicated with him for 3 years. And then he found me on facebook, I accepted a friend invite, and we caught up and I tried to check if he was any maturer than before. And yes he was, actually his concerns became more mature, but not the way he handles it. He was posting a lot of things. I was giving him a devil's advocate and I was trying to have him look at his predicament in a different light, so I posted my comments. And the mothefucker, deleted what I just posted. Pucha, sa lahat naman ng ayaw ko, yung indi papansinin yung opinion mo. I thought hard for that, as in I delved the shit out of me, para marealize ko kung anu talaga ang stand ko sa isang bagay and pushed very inch of charity I have to share it with you, to help you with your insights. And you just deleted it, like that!? Then it hit me, I will not spend a speck of negative emotion on this freaking son of a bitch. So I just resigned and told him, Sorry for giving you unwanted advice, I should not have bothered. You were this negative in the past, and you would not really accept others opinion. It was presumptous of me, to even think that you would listen to me as a friend, not really share the same thoughts, but i would at least expect you NOT to trash what I just did, out of my last attempt to revive our friendship, and at being considerate of the 4 years we shared as buddies. It was immature talking about it in facebook in the first place.

That was the longest I talked to him in the last years. I was able to tell him, how miserable of a nega he is and how I hope he is not pulling him down anybody because of that. Because it was really imprisoning. He was like the Demetor of the real world, not a small time mood killer, but really sucks the hapiness out of your system.


Elsa is my co-worker. She is the best in the field. I have a really good first impression of her. Sabi nga ng manager ko, first impressions lasts for me. Pag nahighlight na ang rockstar potential mo, I'll carry it on for a really long time. And for Elsa, I carried it for a long time. Despite of being a rockstar that she is at work, she does not go out with ua some much, which is fine by me. I had a few more fun friends I could use when I want to hang out. I did not really need to get close or get to know her. Except for a fact that she is such a depressive person. There were small dozes, here and there, but we only had time to talk about it during trips home, in a cab.

It was good for the past 2 years, i even pushed hard for her to be rated at the top of her peer group. I really did. And I felt good about it. When management did not trust her, I did! She does not show as a leader material, I pushed her. I told management, she can manage people! She should be given all the oppurtunity she wants. And the she back stabs me, by resigning despite the oppurtunity I scored for her. Management somehow talked her out of it and stayed with the company. I was in the US during that time and I couldn't really talk to her. I would not be able to change her mind even if I had the chance. I am bad at convincing people. Point is, even if she back stabbed me one time, I did not take it to heart. She was just unhappy that management was not treating her not like a rockstar as I do.

The exchange for staying in the company is her assignment to US with me. I was ecstatic. Coming last year with a very lazy assistant when I was here, I was very sure that will not be the case and my life will be easier. Did i mention she is very good at was she does? Wait, scroll up... I did! First 3 months, was life-changing. From doing OT work, I was not even doing anything, during work hours. I was able to delegate all my work to her and I was having the time of my life. Did I mention, we were staying in the same apartment. It was very easy to tell her the things, we need for work, even at home. We were always together. Cooking, working, commuting to work. Go out of towns, it was easier to go out with people who lived with you. You can share expenses. Blissful.

And then as normal beings with different beliefs in life, we would clash. I am a person who does not like effort. tamad! yup. If there was a simpler means to do things, I would do it. Or I would not do it. I would not care, I don't overthink, pull efforts on trivial matters. Like re-cooking stuff from a canned products because of fear of salmonella. Or taking home a box of breadsticks, we will never have time to eat and may end up in trash, but weneed to bring home, just because we paid a good bucks for it. I don't do unnecessary effort. If I was, I would not bother others with it, or will be too ashamed to bother others. She was the exact opposite. Maarte is my term for that, when I mean, Ma-effort. Then, i accidentally blurted it. Maarte. Then, she took it seriously and up to this time, she has not talked to me. Sabi nya, nimean ko daw. Well, aminin ko, I meant it from the bottom of my heart. E sa tingin ko eh ganun eh. But hey, grow up. E anu kung maarte ka sa paningin ko, anung prob. dahil dun, hindi ka na kakain ng canned goods. dahil dun, di mo na ko papansinin. Ate, ako sabihan mo ko ng mataba, sabihin mo ko na sira ulo, K fine, tingin mo yun eh. pero, Diba magkasama tayo sa bahay. Yung nega mo wag mo paabautin sa sala at sa kwarto ko. Diba pang high school ang root cause. San ka nakakita ng 27 year old na ganun kasensitive. Tawagin pa kita ng ibang asar, edi maasar ka na. Pikon.

Si Elsa ng isang tao na gusto ko kawork, pero ayaw ko kasama sa bahay. Unang una, tamad mag-aral magluto pero mapride. Mapride at maarte. Ayaw. Pareho sila ni Jhaimer. Mga taong, markado. dahil dito gusto ko na umuwi ng Pilipinas, Para makahinga. 2 months pa!







Until now, di pa ko nakakakusap ni Elsa.