Signed Off

HR Department:

I’d like to submit my irrevocable resignation from the company after 2 years of being part of a fruitful partnership as employer/employee.

I’m taking this step to take advantage of bigger opportunities that are presented to me right now. I gained so much from my stay in this company and I’m grateful for all those things.

Thanks,
Aileen
Software Engineer

Right! I'm doing it.I’m leaving the company. You've probably heard a lot of my rantings in this blog, since I started writing it. Well, that's it. I'm finally bond-free. I can submit this piece of shit and not worry about not having clearance or paying a hundred thousand bucks. What's holding me back. Well, Im kinda scared now. After being able to finally adjust to the project, which has been fa very painful experience or me, I am giving up all of these. Everything. The friends, the building, the long hours.

I must admit, a big part of me is celebrating that all these are finally hitting an end. But there's also a teeny weeny part of me that says that 'Hey! Things are going smoother right now than before, (It has never been this smooth) so why change it?' That's it. I am scared of the change, the BIG CHANGE! I'm really super scared of what's gonna happen when i take that oh-so-big leap of building my career in Singapore. I'm just a bad case of having this fear of what the future brings. Really, at one point, it all seemed like this kind of life will be going on for a long time. I'm quite satisfied with it for a while. And another thing, I'm not really proud of having to take this step. I really don't want to show off that I'm resigning because I want to go to Singapore. I won't have the face to show my mentors. They taught me everything I know about this job.They trained me hoping that I'll be one of the future leaders of this project. And after all of the oppurtunities they've granted me, I'm resigning just like that. I don't want them to think that I've use them for my own gain. Which apparently is my initial feelings about staying in this company. But to be fair, I really think I gave it my best in my job. I'm not that much of a super-employee and but I believe I'm quite performing above consistent.

You see, I hate to be branded ungrateful and user. But I have to think of my long term goals. I have set them and I can't let these thoughts, my baby self and the comfort I'm experiencing right now hinder me from getting to that goal. To be very successful. It's been planned. I want to earn a lot but I don't really like money. Well, money. That's another story. I don't like money that much but my family loves it. My mom likes it when she receives money from me. I really hate it when she constantly talks about the expenses. I can't blame her, she came from a poor family herself and having her being able to buy the stuff she wants which for the longest time she can't afford is just something i wanna give her. I wanna spoil her now that she's old. That's the least I can do for her for having such a hard life raising us and putting up with my difficult father. But I'm not capable enough to give all her caprices. Gives me another reason why i should get a higher paying job. In Singapore.

Fat Forward>>>
1 week later...Just as I have decided to resign and have my resumes get emailed and distributed to all known PeopleS*** jobs in Singapore, my Team Lead suddenly asks me for a private talk and reveal an offer to go onshore. Well, my initial reaction is 'Uh-uh! too late! But of course I can't say that. I can't tell her that i have plans of resigning and my applications in SG are in the works! Well the political situation in my current project is not so friendly right now and plans of resigning should not be divulged to any member of leadership. They will suddenly have a reason to roll you off the project and make you appear you had a lame last few days at Acc******.
Well, we went on with the discussion. She discussed the roles that I will be doing if I ever get there. But I wasn't really listening. My thoughts lie between what the heck are you discussing that for? I haven't even said yes yet. And as if there is a fat chance that I'm still in this company by October.But it was really difficult to put on a facade that says yes, I get what you're saying and I'm very interested in it and I would want to think about it, big time. Hehe.

So when I left that room, I am still in my Huwaattt! state. Well, it did not change my mind. But somehow after talking to Joy, she adviced me to think about it carefully. She said something like "You may have everything planned, but life can throw you incidents/accidents that will totally be way out of plan. And you might not be ready to have a mitigation plan." Well, I understand her perfectly. Last year, she received a call from abroad and a big offer to work there. She thought about it and decided on cancelling her Singapore plans in the present. Her Dad died less than a year after. If she had taken it, she would have made the biggest regret in her life. Letting her Dad go without her near him.

I am suddenly thinking, what if something happens to my family and I'm not there for them. I'll get crazy over the thought of my family going through something without me by their side. But I have to do this for them. They are the ones who want me to go to Singapore and earn a lot of money. I really do want to make their dreams come true but I'm just so sad of being away from them. When I watch dramas and see some children happily leaving their homes, I can't help but think how could they do that to their families. Even if the greatest pain I suffered in my entire life is my family, I love them nonetheless and I'll be willing to forgive them, if they don't do it again.

But Honestly... my thoughts right now, Whatever happens happen. I can't stop it, even if a person tries to do it intentionally. If good or bad things are about to happen, they will. You just need to be ready for it and have a firm grip on your faith in God. We just have to go through it how ever happy or sad it may be. If I'm not there, I'll just rush back home. And I will just pray, everyday that nothing out of hand happens to my family.

Aside from that, Joy also said to think about it carefully, so that you'll discover what you really want in life. You see I love discovering and experiencing foreign culture. And Singapore will be a good dose for me. I love watching Asian series and I am fascinated by the richness of culture they present. And I want to experience that. Also, I am quite tired of the current situation in the Philippines. (I am sad Gringo and Trillanes made it to the Senate.) Heehee. And I also have this fantasy of meeting my boyband crushes there, if ever they visit SG. Come to think of it, what are the chances of them going to PH. Nothing compared to SG. And I'll also have a chance to live a really independent life. I've living been practicing for months now by living at Joy's house.

Side Story
Well, what do I really want to do in life. Now that I think of it, I think i really don't want a technical job. I may be meant for arts. Yeah, I know you're getting blown right now. But seriously, I'm into Pop dancing. You know, the stuff boybands do. I wanna dance. I have so much groove within my body that I'd burst if I don't move it. Well, it actually looks like I'm gonna burst literally because I'm too fat to do it. I'm 70kg. I wanna be in 50kg. I'll look better when I'm that thin. I'm not actuallya good sight when I'm dancing right now. Like a big ball.

Well, I plan to make that happen someday! I'm gonna be thinner and I'll dance.